Of friends and hobbies

Happy Dog

As part of my plan for this year, I wanted to push myself out of the house more and try to gain a bit of a social life. I used to go out quite a bit and I find myself missing the comfort of having people who accepted me and allowed me to be myself around them. A part of many illnesses and disorders from my observation seem to end up with isolated people. Whether it's a loss of interest in having friends, people becoming mean and not wanting to understand or just not being able to two time with the time consumption of the illness while having to maintain a life, I find this just adds to the feeling of loneliness and creates a worse situation.

When I had friends, even with my odd habits, I felt like I was capable of going out in public. Somehow there was a barrier between me and the eyes that I felt were judging me. I wasn't able to eat or try on clothes where people could see me but it was a great improvement from the state I found myself in only late last year. I started to ignore people and go out of my way to avoid them because I felt trapped by them and didn't want them to say anything that could hurt me, while I made up things they could be thinking about me "She's so fat, how can she live with herself." "Who does that? She's just strange and I never want to talk to her again." My of these people just recently tried to commit suicide and I happened to find her and get help. After I found out that she missed me and felt like all her friends had left her and I could relate, there were other contributing factors to this but I think this one was the breaking point. At the same time, I really had left her and I blamed myself for it and we decided that we would be there for each other because we didn't want to lose anyone that had ever meant something to us again.

That's why I think friends are somewhat important, even if you are a person who like to be alone.

Other than this I have started swimming again, mostly to help my lungs, but also because I enjoy it. I have plans to keep going frequently and make a habit of it. I also joined the school volleyball team and was surprised that I actually made it because I haven't tried for ages so I wasn't sure if I still had the skills for it.

On exams I have my grade 6 exam for piano coming up in May and I'm kind of nervous but it's a nice challenge and maybe I can get somewhere with it.

Updating,
Dorcha

Things as they are

Source

It's now well and truly 2014 and life still seems to be continuing at a pace that I wish would just slow down for a moment. Everyone around me seems to have their lives sorted and have some kind of idea as to what they want to do, while I'm just juggling every thought that I have, hoping it will spark some inspiration.

I've started watching TV shows again, which I haven't done in years, and at the moment I'm quite interested by a show called Teen Wolf. It has a number of appealing factors including the well developed characters, suspenseful plot line and interesting character relations (and hot guys who are pretty body confident...). Some of the things I found somewhat difficult to get used to were the animation of the werewolves but by the 3rd episode I managed to stop caring. Each of the characters seems to have an appealing aspect to them, from their family background as werewolf hunters, geniuses who pretend to be stupid and a sarcastic guy called Stiles who is completely human. Definitely recommend it for people to try.

On a darker note, my OCD seems to have begun to control my life again and I really don't want that to happen again. For some reason my obsession was with 3's and I never figured out why. Tapping in sets of 3, washing hands 3 times, staring at the clock and getting extremely anxious when something doesn't happen on time. Answering 3, 6 or 9 questions on an exam is starting to cause problems in my schoolwork. I just wish I could be a normal person.

I went on my monthly checkup to the hospital and apparently my blood sugar is getting to low and I have iron deficiency, it seems whenever I try to get better things just keep getting worse. Maybe it's the stress from finding out that a girl I used to be friends with is stalking me and I spent every moment scared that she will call me and leave another message, or that she'll leave letters on my locker and corner me in the bathrooms again. Maybe it's my parents who have now taken to making sarcastic comments about everything because apparently mental disorders don't exist and I'm faking everything. They made a joke about get me a scalpel for my birthday because I used to self harm. I don't think they realise that calling me a failure actually hurts.

From,
Dorcha