Detached

It's strange when you set a date for something final, you suddenly feel like you are at peace.
It's almost like you can justify everything that happens to you, everything that you do to yourself.
All those days you sit down and cry or feel nothing just stop and you can go into a trance like state.
Wake up. Move. Smile. Act. Sleep.
No matter how irrational it is, you suddenly have a reason for the self destruction and everything that is wrong in your head.
You don't have to care about your actions because appearances no longer matter, you won't have to see the impacts and effects.
You finally open your eyes and see what is really around you because there are no problems to stop you from seeing.
You see the colours, the little signs people give off about themselves, you see the words on a page and understand the meaning.
You get a personality again and everyone thinks you are better when you're really the worst you've ever been.

But you're really just waiting thinking, 'I wonder if you can see me,' because your mask is so thin.
You're not really there, detached from the world by a sheet of glass because you're not really there anymore.
When everyone becomes you're 'friend' again you can't help but want to yell, 'Where were you when I needed you most? Why are you back now? How could you be so cruel?'

The waiting game,
Dorcha Aingeal

Neglect and Experience

My original intent for this blog was for it to be a place where I actually blogged and posted about anything that I wanted to post, that hasn't really worked so I'm hoping to get into a habit of about one post a week.

As an update, it is now the school holidays and I'm another year older. I went on a trip to Jakarta, Indonesia for two weeks and discovered a lot of new things such as cheap shopping and new cultural practices that I had never even thought about. I became right handed for the duration of the stay because it was polite and I also tried frog legs and some other strange foods that ended up upsetting my stomach for a couple of days.


My mum and I stayed both in the city and the country where I went on a safari and was able to feed animals with carrots through a window. A lhama decided to leave a line of slobber on the glass. There was a lion in the middle of the road there which was interesting to navigate.
In the city I went to a restaurant where we sat in a square pavilion that had a table and floated on a pond full of fish and turtles.The entire time we stayed with friends and family so we didn't have to pay for accommodation so that allowed us to spend our money on other things. I also learned how to make soft toys and try to sell them in a place where I didn't speak the language and there was so many interesting people.

The overall experience was nice and I would definitely do it again in a few years.

From, Dorcha Aingeal