Detached

It's strange when you set a date for something final, you suddenly feel like you are at peace.
It's almost like you can justify everything that happens to you, everything that you do to yourself.
All those days you sit down and cry or feel nothing just stop and you can go into a trance like state.
Wake up. Move. Smile. Act. Sleep.
No matter how irrational it is, you suddenly have a reason for the self destruction and everything that is wrong in your head.
You don't have to care about your actions because appearances no longer matter, you won't have to see the impacts and effects.
You finally open your eyes and see what is really around you because there are no problems to stop you from seeing.
You see the colours, the little signs people give off about themselves, you see the words on a page and understand the meaning.
You get a personality again and everyone thinks you are better when you're really the worst you've ever been.

But you're really just waiting thinking, 'I wonder if you can see me,' because your mask is so thin.
You're not really there, detached from the world by a sheet of glass because you're not really there anymore.
When everyone becomes you're 'friend' again you can't help but want to yell, 'Where were you when I needed you most? Why are you back now? How could you be so cruel?'

The waiting game,
Dorcha Aingeal