Nothing Relevant at all

I'm not a popular person, nor am I particularly hated. Generally I'm the person who is just there, the one who is always around but would never be completely missed if they were gone. This in itself is completely fine, in fact, I like it that way because it gives me the freedom that many people don't have. That is, until you start getting attention from the popular people, or a certain popular person.

I admit to having been in many relationships, but I could never forget that amplified feeling of inadequacy that comes with dating one of those more liked people. When someone says 'you are so pretty,' or 'I envy you,' it is normally the words of single girls towards the person I have decided to attempt a relationship with and you suddenly become an ornament. How you look and behave suddenly reflects on the person in question and it almost feels as if you come from some higher class family that has high social standards. If you are not particularly good looking its a 'you have such a big heart for seeing their personality,' and if you are extremely attractive its whispers of 'what a good catch,' or 'I heard they were a slut.'

Body image begins to play a big deal in your side of the relationship unless you develop a thick skin and having been seen on both sides of the extremer version of the weight scale, sometimes it becomes harder to focus on the person you like. It may seem completely materialistic of me to say these things, but as someone who is usually invisible, suddenly gaining attention is almost terrifying because all of a sudden people can see you. There is no hiding and I can't help but feel like I can never match up to my more popular, smart and good looking partner. Self esteem is such a blessing I don't seem to have.

Pointless Drabble

I often write terrible raps when I have spare time and I just happened to write another poetic disaster:

Conforming, that one major rule of society,
If you have nothing else have have propriety,
If you don't then why the fuck are you here?
You better be ready to live a life of fear.

Chorus: (Sung)
'Cause I, don't really know
What side to show you
Facade, its all just as mask
But you'll never get a clue

Again you asked me, 'how was your day?'
My mechanical reply 'it was really okay,'
But is that the truth that we hold inside,
Or is it a mask that we set up from pride?

Chorus: (Sung)

Kid, I recognise that look in your eye,
It holds so many words and says you could cry.
But toughen up, suck it up, build a brick wall,
To survive in this world, better build it tall

Chorus: (Sung)
Bridge:
We all have our stories
Things we never will tell
We, all have our secrets
I hope you, you hide yours well

Smash, crash, now it's all piles of ash,
This once proud nation has turned into trash.
This castle, this kingdom once touched the skies,
But it came crashing down, a foundation of lies.