For the past few days I seem to be getting steadily worse. I argue with everyone then realize I started it for no reason later on, I feel perpetually tired during the day after a full night's sleep and fall asleep during classes that I find interesting, my head is aching and feels like it's burning from the inside, I can't even walk straight because my eyes are watery from almost tears like I can't decide whether or not to cry. I haven't cried in years, I don't think I know how to. I have bruises all over me from both my clumsiness and on purpose but never in places people see. I can't decide who is my friend anymore because they text me all the time and talk to me on facebook but when it comes to real life they never say a single word. I love sports but now I struggle at things I once found easy because I feel so weak and keep on shaking.
A family friend was sent to hospital and diagnosed with depression of some kind, I'd known her since I was a little kid and never knew she had tried to kill herself twice. No one is who I thought they were anymore, I can't think about them the same, everything just keeps on changing and now I think my body is trying to make me realize it. Accept it, even though I don't want to, getting older everyday, people dying everyday, new secrets people tell me for no apparent reason other than they want advice as if I could help them. I can't help everyone, I'm not an angel or a deity of any kind I just want to be left alone to get a grip on the endless flow of eternity.
I guess that is what it is like to be a teenager.
For the first time though I hate to admit it, I think I should go voluntarily talk to my counselor who I have avoided for years. Oh joy
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