Reality or Books?

I think I would choose books because I can't even stand people at the moment. They all seem to like me in the like like sense so if I talk to one, someone gets hurt. All I can think is, I'm 14 and not planning to ever get a boyfriend or girlfriend, stop taking everything to heart. Most people would probably be reveling in the attention, but I hate it.

I just want to read, listen to music and be a hermit so I don't have to bother with humans. I push everyone away and avoid them as if my life depends on it, even skipping classes and self teaching in the library instead just to get away from some people. If I do something with one the others just get jealous or go into self hate mode so I just push the person I was talking to away so no one gets hurt. It's so stressful.

I think I failed my English poetry assignment where we had to write a poem based on a theme using words from 4 other poems. I was under the time limit and frankly, the teacher hates me. I got a B- in Maths which is horrible because I only have freedom if I get A's for everything. urrgg procrastination it is.

Girugamesh

Girugamesh is a Japanese visual kei rock band made up of 5 members, Ryo (drums), Satoshi (Vocals), Nii (Guitar) and Shuu (Bass). The name is based on an ancient king called Gilgamesh, I think. Their music styles range from soft sounding songs like, Crying Rain, to fast songs with loud drumming such as, Owari to Mirai. A great deal of their music videos are pretty dark themed with not much colours but there are exceptions such as Zecchou Bang.

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Some of my friends often ask me why I like them because they aren't 'hot,' they wear make up and don't play 'pop.' To be honest I don't really mind what they look like because their music is amazing, (That is the point of listening to a band right?). They aren't that bad looking anyway and find them to be hilarious. When I listen to their songs I always feel a bit happier for some reason, I like the way music can do that. I normally just listen to random songs from random bands but I can definitely say I like everything from this band so far. Mostly I make these band posts so people can be a little more musically open and maybe try a new genre. What kind of bands and music do you listen to? I would love to hear.

Source : Derps

 

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Funny how as soon as I talk about picking up pieces thing fall apart *Trigger*

My friends all seem to have problems right now and I can't help any of them. I think that when you have been through things like self harm and ed you notice yourself in other people. They all keep bombarding me so I don't want to have to tell them about my problems.

Self harm, the signs of potential eating disorders, constantly crying, constantly tired. They all fall under at least one of these categories and I can't do anything. I know my mind will start screaming to get away before I can get hurt but I have to pick up the pieces and stay somewhere. Relapsing, failing that's all my life right now. I might just break one day soon but I don't want to, not before I live life.

I can't look negative at the moment, I keep seeing calories again everywhere, so I close my eyes and eat. I don't want to lose another person close to me before they are even close to me. Come on Dorcha, we can do this. Recover. Help them recover and everything will be better.