I always wanted to be a singer when I was little and grow up to be a rock star. Almost everyone has that dream at some time in their lives, mine just ended earlier than most. I realized that I couldn't sing because it always sounded like I was being strangled, and my vocal cords crack whenever I try to sustain a note. Even now I just mouth the words to a song to pretend I am singing and let the rest of my music class sing louder, drowning out my squawks.
I decided then on to be a dancer and I was alright. Until a horse came along and stamped on my ankle crushing the bone so it was permanently deformed. I couldn't run, I couldn't walk for a long time, I couldn't dance. That dream was now destroyed and it really got to me.Now it is a better but I no longer have the grace required for a dancer.
I wanted to be so many things, a drummer but my fingers always cracked and I dropped the sticks, a writer but I could never keep a story going for more than eight pages, an artist but I could never draw my imagination, only real things. It sucked when your five realizing you will never be as good as anyone else who can sing, dance and do so many other things.
I wanted to be an Olympian but my lungs conked out and it started to hurt to breath and I would cough up blood. It still hurts sometimes, especially when I run or do some major sport.
I wanted to be a genius, maybe I am but I never felt to motivation to dedicate myself to anything. It all got boring after a while.
Now I have different concerns, I have to be skinny, I hallucinate, I have extreme mood swings and I'm extremely manipulative. I'm an informant currently but nothing more.
I don't want to be anything other than a bodyguard which is an unreachable dream, I a deceiving myself if I think that will ever happen.
So I will be nothing.
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